The Love of a Daughter
by tenyaaaaah
Summary: Thea Queen has a deep and meaningful conversation with her mother. The story is set in episode 21 of Arrow: City of Blood. This is a one-shot, written for Mother's Day.


_A/N: This is set in episode 21 of_ Arrow_: City of Blood._

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**The Love of a Daughter **

Thea Queen was curled up at the end of the couch, sitting in an empty room, in an empty house. She stared at the far wall, hugging a pillow tightly. Her eyes were puffy, and her cheeks hard from her dried tears. Her black dress was uncomfortable but she hadn't been bothered to change out of it. Walter had been there, but she had sent him away, telling him she was fine. She wasn't fine. She didn't think she would ever be fine again.

Her mother's funeral had been dismal, and she was disappointed that Oliver hadn't been there. The funeral reception was even worse. People who she barely knew came to offer their condolences, to reminisce about the good times they had had with _darling_ Moira Queen, and to talk about what a wonderful person she was. Her mother would have hated it. It was like her father – well, stepfather – and brother's funeral all over again, except now, her brother was alive. She was alive. Their mother was not.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. To close her eyes would mean revisiting the memory of losing her mother. She hadn't slept a wink since then. She had just been sitting, staring blankly, trying to come to terms – but how could one come to terms when they had lost the most important person in their life? She had been through this emotional ordeal with her father, and brother, but it wasn't the same. She had lost her mother. _Her mother_.

Six years ago, she had turned to drugs and partying to relieve herself of the pain, but now, she didn't think she had the energy in her to do so. Now, she felt empty. She kept thinking back to their last moment together. It was distressful. She remembered crying, screaming, begging Slade Wilson to stop. She remembered being confused, she saw Oliver through her tears; he was in pain, also begging Slade to stop. Slade then spoke of people that she didn't know, people that made Oliver's face pale in anguish, and she had realized that Slade had been on the island with Oliver – Oliver had known this psychopath, and he hadn't told them. She then understood that they would die. She didn't want to die. She didn't want any of them to die. Slade had taken out a gun, and he had asked Oliver to choose between her and their mother. She had felt something cold being pressed against her head and she had cried out, not wanting to be this close to death. And then her mother had stood up, and she understood that her mother was going to sacrifice herself for her children. Both she and Oliver called out, trying to stop her, but Moira was too strong-willed, too brave.

"_Thea, I love you. Close your eyes, baby!"_

She had turned away, waiting for the loud bang of the gun, but it never came. Slade spoke of her mother's courage, put the gun away and apologized. It had given her an inch of hope – perhaps they would survive this after all. But then, out of nowhere, out of the corner of her eye, she had seen the silver glint of a sword, and she had screamed out in anguish as she her mother fell to the ground. She remembered Slade thrusting the bloody sword in front of her face, stating that one more person had to die, and she had closed her eyes, afraid of the worst. But then, the ties binding her hands were cut loose, and Slade had walked away. She hadn't cared if the imminent threat was still there; she had to get to her mother. She had sobbed, calling out her mother's name, shaking her, willing her to come back.

Thea felt a hand on her arm and she jolted violently as she was pulled back to reality.

"Thea?" It was Walter. "Are you alright?"

"No," she replied truthfully. She rubbed her eyes and turned to look at her former stepfather, thinking that she probably owed it to him to ask him the same question. "Are you alright?"

"Don't you worry about me," Walter said kindly. He sat down next to her. "You should get some sleep."

"I can't," she answered. "If I sleep, I see that knife. And if I sleep, the days will go by, and I'm afraid that, with time, I'll forget her."

"She's your mother, you won't ever forget her," Walter tried to reassure her.

"You don't understand!" Thea said, frustrated. "After my father died, I forgot about him. I forgot. I went out, took drugs and partied. And I forgot." The tears threatened to spill again.

"You've changed. You've matured since then. It's been a week, and you haven't spiraled yet. That's got to count for something."

Thea didn't reply. She looked down at her hands, feeling slightly ashamed. Walter was just trying to help, even if she didn't particularly want to be helped. He was just looking after her – something her brother should be doing. Her anger was misdirected.

"I'm sorry," she said, sniffing.

"Don't be," Walter put a hand on her shoulder.

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I need to leave Starling," Thea announced.

"Leave?" Walter turned to her, a look of concern on his face. "I don't understand."

"I need to move away. I can't live in Starling City anymore," Thea clarified.

"But where would you go?"

"Anywhere…everywhere…"

"Thea," Walter frowned. "Your mother didn't die for you so that you could go and do drastic things like move away."

"She wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life being depressed either," Thea said. "Walter, you said that I lasted a week without spiraling. That's the only good thing that's happened to me this week. My mom would want me to live my life."

She understood that this was probably confusing the hell out of Walter – one minute she was worrying about forgetting her mother, then the next, she wanted to leave. To her, leaving didn't mean forgetting. Leaving meant taking her mother on a journey with her. Visiting the places her mother had talked about, connecting with her mother on a deeper level. She owed her that.

"Thea, please, I understand you're upset," Walter said, carefully choosing his words, mistaking Thea's irrational decision to leave for grief. "This is an emotional time for all of us."

"I'm not being emotional!" Thea said, trying to make Walter understand. "I'm an orphan…I'm a jobless and homeless orphan. There's nothing left for me here."

"I'm here," Walter pointed out.

"And I thank for you that, but…" she sighed. "Honestly, I need to start over."

Walter was about to respond when they both heard footsteps and Oliver walked in, head bowed.

"Oliver," Walter acknowledged Oliver's presence. Thea pursed her lips and crossed her arms, unsure of how she was going to act around her brother, who had been a big disappointment to her. "We missed you at the funeral."

"And the reception," Thea couldn't help but add bitterly.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be there," Oliver said. His hands were in his pocket, and Thea thought he looked rightfully ashamed. He walked towards them. "What's going on here?"

"Thea's thinking of leaving Starling City," Walter informed Oliver.

"No, I _am_ leaving," Thea corrected him.

"Walter, can I speak to my sister for a moment?" Oliver asked.

Walter walked towards him solemnly and said, "Perhaps you'll have better luck." He clapped Oliver on the shoulder, and with one last glance at Thea, left the room.

As soon as he had left, Thea said, "Ollie, don't even try to convince me to stay."

"I won't. I think it's a good idea."

Thea looked at him, confusion and surprise written on her face.

"You should get as far from Starling City as you possibly can," Oliver elaborated. She continued to look at him, confused, unsure of what to say. Oliver continued, "You know, our family, out of you, me, mom and dad, you are the best of us." He paused and looked at her, a fraction of a smile on his face. "You have the purest heart."

How could she hate him? How could she be disappointed in him when he spoke so highly of her? She looked away, thinking.

"And I can't ever have you lose that," Oliver concluded. "Okay? You promise me?"

Thea slowly looked back at him, and she nodded slightly.

"Okay," she agreed.

Oliver walked towards her and pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back.

He pulled away and said, "I know that I haven't been the best brother, or friend, or whatever you've needed me to be, but there has not been a day since you were born where I didn't cherish having you as a sister."

Thea nodded, unsure of what to say, how to react. Her brother had a way of keeping his emotions inside, so this sudden declaration was overwhelming.

"Well, um, I'll get in touch when I get settled somewhere," she said. Oliver bowed his head once more, and she walked out of the room, feeling confused, surprised, and, for the first time in a long time, loved.

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It was dark, but the Queen cemetery was lit up with artificial light, shining down on the dead and empty graves. Thea came to a stop at her mother's grave and knelt down. She put a single rose on the fresh dirt.

She had spent the last few hours packing her belongings into a large bag. She was planning on taking a train out of Starling City, getting on a track that would take her to an unknown place, where she would start afresh. But first, she had something to do.

"Hi Mom," she said tentatively. She didn't know why she felt so weird talking to a grave, she used to do it all the time to Oliver's, but back then, she still had her mother. Now, she was alone.

"You can't believe the week I'm having," she continued. "It's been terrible. I did make one good decision though; I'm leaving Starling City. I was going to leave without looking back but I found the note, or letter, whatever, that I wrote for the reception in the pocket of the coat I was wearing earlier and I realized I couldn't go without saying goodbye, or to tell you that I don't hate you, Mom. I don't hate you."

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"I didn't read the note at the reception. Walter wanted me to, but I couldn't do it. But I think I'm ready now, so I'm going to read it to you, and I hope you'll forgive me for being a horrible daughter."

She put her hand into the pocket of her red leather jacket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it and sat cross-legged on the ground before clearing her throat.

"Moira Queen. Who was Moira Queen? She was a widow, a wife, the CEO of a major company, one of the perpetrators of the Undertaking, our future mayor...and most importantly, she was my mother. Many people, myself included, thought she lived in a circle of lies, told to get herself out of sticky situations, but that's not true. My mother only lied to protect those that she loved. She was fuelled by love, so can anyone blame her for the things that she did?

There was a time in my life when she and I were really close, but that was only when my father and brother weren't around. When we thought that we had lost them for good, our bond got stronger, until I pulled away completely. She had wanted me to remain her little girl, when all I had wanted to do was grow up, and that's when we parted ways.

You all probably blame her for the way Oliver and I acted in our rowdy teen years, but she was either innocent or ignorant of our actions. And she didn't punish us, again, out of love. She loved deeply, and she always looked after those she cared about, which was one reason why she ran for mayor.

She may have made mistakes in the past, but haven't we all? Mistakes are what make us human. Mistakes are things we must overcome to become a better person, and I've only now just realized that. My mother was trying to atone for her sins by attempting to fix her mistakes, and the people had accepted her, they had slowly forgiven her.

And so, when you remember Moira Queen, do not remember her as Malcolm Merlyn's pawn, do not remember her as the woman who destroyed the Glades, because she didn't, she tried to stop it...when you think of her, think of the mother who had to raise two crazy children, think of the loving wife who went to great lengths to protect her family, think of the woman who you would have voted to become mayor. Remember Moira Queen."

Thea sniffed and looked up from the page that she was reading from.

"I didn't read it, because I didn't believe it. And I'm sorry I didn't believe it. I'm sorry I didn't believe you when you told me you loved me. It's just, I found it hard to trust you after you lied to me, again and again.

But I know that you love me. A mother's love for their child is eternal. And I realized that you lied to protect me, you lied out of love. And I can't hate you for that.

I know I haven't been the easiest person to raise, and I know that I've done a lot of things that have hurt you in the past, but nothing hurt me more than finding out that Dad wasn't my real father, and that I shared DNA with a psychopath who murdered pretty much everyone in the Glades. I think you know that, because you tried to make things right. You always try to make things right. I'm only seeing that now.

Mom, you died thinking that I hated you, and I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. I won't ever get the chance to tell you that I don't hate you. All that stuff about overcoming and atoning for your mistakes, I believe it now, and I'm forgiving you. I forgive you, Mom. And I know that I won't ever get your forgiveness, but I'm hoping for a sign, a sign from you that'll tell me that everything's going to be okay.

It won't come, I know. Wishful thinking. I just can't seem to see past my regrets, with my biggest one being the fact that I didn't show, or tell, you how much I appreciated having you in my life. I always took that for granted, because I knew you would always be around. When I fell off my bike, you were there to heal my wounds, when Dad and Ollie died, you were there to console me, when I didn't visit you in jail, you waited for me, knowing that I would eventually come. You had faith in me when I didn't have faith in you, or myself. I don't know what to do now that you're gone.

I guess I'll just…try to move on. It's what you would have wanted, right? I'm leaving Starling tonight, so I can live my life, like you wanted me to. I believe you sacrificed yourself to protect and save Ollie and I. And I'm going to honor that. I won't put myself in danger, well, as much danger as possible anyway. I'm going to visit the world like you did, Mom. I'm going to try to reconnect with you, and make you proud, to be the daughter you always wanted me to be."

She paused, took a deep breath, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Please know that I will never forget you. And I forgive you, for whatever sins you have committed. You are my mother, and I love you."

She pulled out a tissue and dabbed her cheeks.

"Goodbye, Mom," she pushed herself off the ground, stood up and brushed the dirt off of her dress. Pulling her jacket close and picking up her bags, she began to walk away from the grave. At the edge of the cemetery, she turned around and looked into the darkness. She stood there for a full minute, breathing in deeply, before willing herself to leave for the train station, and whispering, half to herself, half to her mother:

"I will always love you."

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Arrow, and yes, there are some snippets of text here that were taken straight from the TV show.**

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_A/N: So it's Mother's Day here in Australia, so I thought that I'd write a little story honouring a TV mum. Although, in hindsight, having Thea talk to her mum's grave is a little bit depressing. I guess that goes to show that life is unpredictable, people die every day, so make the most of it (and I'm getting philosophical here, so I'll stop). _

_Appreciate your mother, she's the only one you've got, and have a very Happy Mother's Day._

_Thank you for reading. :) Much love, x_


End file.
